The Ultimate Guide To Living in Germany
Written on December 23rd , 2023 by Roman Freeman
Before I embraced the Wild Wild German countryside, I lived in the cloudiest, dirtiest, ugliest, most depressing, stinky, simply the best city in the world: Berlin.
You know you’re in Berlin when you hear people swearing in more languages than your brain can process in one subway ride. And if you’ve been to any major European city, you’ve probably noticed that you get to meet people from all over the world. More so in Berlin: the city which people from over 180 nationalities consider their home. Forget about German! The more central you go, the less of it you will hear (especially in some districts) in favor of English, American, and even Australian! Very funny, I know.
By the way, you can keep on reading the story or watch it as a video on YouTube.
Besides English you’ll hear a lot of Turkish, various Arabic dialects, Spanish, Hebrew, Russian, Mandarin, Polish, all major ones really and then some. And now, thanks to the wonders of geopolitical events, we’ve got a solid dose of Ukrainian too.
Now, some people might argue that Berlin isn’t really Germany. And they’re not entirely wrong. I mean, where else can you find a techno club in an abandoned power plant or stumble upon a street artist turning a dumpster into a masterpiece? Not exactly the traditional lederhosen-and-sauerkraut vibe you might associate with Germany. I’m not even talking about people who still think of Germany only in the context of WW2 and Hitler.
But to me it was also all new when I moved to Germany almost 10 years ago. So what did I know about Germany before becoming a Berliner? Well, the most important things: it’s the land of the autobahn, Kinder Surprise, and Michael Schumacher (yes, I’m that old). And no, David Hasselhof will forever stay in my memory as the knight rider dude, not the Berlin Wall superstar. Talking about the wall, I also knew that Berlin, where I would be spending most of my stay, was once divided by a communist wall, which wasn’t exactly inspiring me to move here in the first place.
Yet, against all odds, I survived Berlin for good 8 years. And now, as I gear up to bid farewell to Deutschland… I feel like it’s the time to share my ultimate guide to Germany: the good, the bad, and the whatever. Make yourself comfortable, you’re in for a treat with some practical tips and personal anecdotes.
The first few things I’ve grouped under the culture and community category.
Culture and Community
And, since we are already talking about Berlin and city life, let’s see how the community of Babylon is different from the rest of Germany.
First off, once you settle down a bit, you’ll hear a lot of “oh, it’s so hard to make friends here”. While there are enough people to match any of your weirdest interests, what they actually mean is that it’s hard to build deeper connections. For various reasons. A lot of people move to the city just to study and never plan to stay. For others, it’s not investing time to learn the language and the culture. Some people simply don’t even put themselves out there, while others try too hard, forcing themselves onto other people. Which I’ve never seen end well.
It is always easier to make friends when you’re younger. I personally set foot on German soil as a naïve kid heading into the 23rd year of life after landing at Berlin Tegel airport which has even closed since. And partially converted to a club, it’s Berlin after all. Still, I had to be willing to go out and find my gang to hang out with at a coffee shop every day. Which, spoiler alert, never really happened. Initially, I didn’t put that much effort into it: being more introverted I don’t feel the need to be around people all the time. In fact, I need a lot of time to recharge after social gatherings. So I’d much rather have fewer friends but have deeper connections with them.
But here’s the thing: Berliners, and maybe adults in general, have this peculiar way of having friends solely for specific activities. My thought is validated by this subreddit (which I lost the link to but might find again one day and insert here), where people complain exactly about that. Be it cycling, clubbing, doing sports (I don’t know, what else humans do nowadays), the best way to find friends is to build the relationship around that activity you already enjoy doing it seems. With time, it might grow into something more, keyword being *might*, meaning don’t get surprised if your relationship will be bound forever to that single activity or two.
But that could be quite frustrating if you can’t really spend time just “hanging out” outside those activities, especially when responsibilities like family and other stuff come in.
Over the years, I’ve managed to establish a couple, of what I perceive as genuine friendship connections, but here comes a curveball. Another thing, which will make it not any easier for your relationships is distance. I’d speak for the majority of Berliners here when I say they looove to stick to their neighborhoods and rarely get out. So, if your friend moves out to another district, a 40-minute bike ride to meet might feel like a cross-country expedition for some.
So maybe what you need is the idyllic countryside camaraderie, where everyone knows each other, and you’re passionately waiting for the highlight of the month, that one celebration where Onkel Jörg brings out the accordion for the joy of the crowds. And that’s true, the smaller the community the more connected people usually are. So if you get out to the countryside it might be somewhat easier to stay social: people get together for celebrations, flea markets, help each other and gossip, organize daycare for kids and whatnot.
And while Sunday shopping, in the American sense at least, doesn’t exist also in cities, you will soon discover that rural life offers even less variety. Restaurants, small kiosks (or Spätis as they are called in Berlin) are open, some even well into the night. In Berlin there are some that are even open on Sundays, google them.
Why is your favorite store, selling shit you don’t need anyway, closed on Sunday you might ask? Well, you might hear people throw around historical and religious reasons. But in reality of the 21st century, it’s a nod to the sacred German art of work-life balance. Imagine: a day where even retail workers can kick back, have some family time, or indulge in a bit of “me time.” It’s a collective understanding that everyone deserves a breather, ensuring a fresh start to the workweek. I remember one time I was moving apartments on a Sunday morning. The paper box I was carrying opened from the bottom, sending all of its contents all over and down the stairwell, somewhat dramatically reflecting where my life was going at the time. As I was collecting shattered plates and glass, a neighbor came out to help and even brought me a bottle of cola™️ comforting me and saying that nobody should work on Sunday. It was probably the nicest thing a stranger ever did to me and I think it’s a really good example of how kind people can be and how truly sacred Sundays are.
In general, work-life balance is something worth mentioning because, unlike in the U.S., where hustle is practically a competitive sport, here you actually get to live a little. You don’t live to work here, there is actually a minimum 20-day paid vacation guaranteed by law, and tech companies usually offer around 30. Sick leave is also paid, so you don’t have to worry who’s gonna pay the bills while you’re in a zombie like state. Of course, high taxes have something to do with the hustle culture being vastly different, but in general, life here is more life than work-oriented. Let’s see if this survives the test of time, but at least this was the state through the 2010s and the beginning of 2020s from my experience.
You know like you’re supposed to have your average 2.3 children, a white picket fence surrounding a split-level house with a dog and a cat, and a station wagon to take the little brats to sports practice? Yes, the good ol’ ‘merican dream I’m talking about. Yeah, none of that here. After years carefully observing Germans in their natural habitat, I created this composite image of what I call a German dream. Picture this: a spouse and a kid (not necessarily yours btw lol), and you are legally married, for tax perks, of course. The husband’s regularly going on “business trips,” and the wife’s perfecting her moves at “dance lessons.” But crucially, the marriage is intact. Both have corporate jobs, ideally at one of those huge corporations with a name like Siemens or Volkswagen - you’ve made it. And if you’re a government worker, consider yourself envied by the neighbor. Job security, good pay, and pension - ah, that’s the stuff.
To get there you might wanna consider learning ze language. Yes, you can get away living your entire life in cities like Berlin without German, but if you want to pay respect to the locals, make it easier on yourself and more affordable too, better speak the language and get to know people. Vitamin B is a German codeword (nobody really uses) for Beziehungen or connections. It’s easy to discard at first, but let me tell you: if you are striving for something better than mediocre, you better start expanding your network. It will be handy everywhere, from getting that specialist doctor appointment faster than in 4 months, arranging interior renovations where you want workers to actually show up, finding an apartment to rent instead of staying on a bench, or a good deal on a mortgage, not getting ripped off at the car mechanic, getting job recommendations, getting rid of your kid to a good kindergarten. Man… Maybe it’s an obvious thing to everyone everywhere and is a kind of general wisdom, but to me, it was such a revelation. A bit too late too. This was kind of what I was trying to escape from in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, the system generally works here and you will be able to get all those things without connections but it will cost you way more time, money, and nerves.
But hey, at least these connections don’t have to feel forced! The good thing in Berlin is you get to meet people with all kinds of backgrounds. There are so many subcultures in Berlin, I didn’t know half of them existed! From casual festival goers to hard-core techno-lovers, from nerds of all kinds to oh-I’m-better-than-you shallow silly ducks, from homeless to ultra-rich, drug and sports addicts (sometimes both) to creative people of all kinds. So maybe it will take you time to find your groove, but at least there’s a variety to choose from.
Another good thing is that while the rest of Germany, especially outside of big cities, can be quite conservative (not only Germany for that matter), Berlin is welcoming and accepting of all kinds of weirdos. Probably that’s why it felt like home to me, lol. So if you’re a weirdo or crazy, this is the place for you :) You know, like New York is known for the crazy street people and nobody notices when somebody’s screaming etc.? Well, it can be just like that, just with a German touch, meaning sometimes they scream in German here instead.
But in all seriousness, you will be accepted with all your quirks and features, and what I mean by that is that they won’t care about you. You can dress up as whatever you want, be whoever you want, and do whatever you want as long as you don’t harm anyone. Don’t worry, there are ghettos for normies here as well.
Moving more into rural areas it gets more conservative of course. I even got approached once by a somewhat not-so-sober lady because she felt an urge to let me know I’m not Jesus and should better cut my hair if I wanted to get chicks around where I was. Ok, she might be even right, but you normally wouldn’t hear anything like this in Berlin. Oh, people will judge you, all right! It’s just that nobody will tell you, point fingers, or beat you to death for looking different. With some exceptions maybe.
A lot of people move in here from all the dictatorships around the world where they can not express themselves freely, or are simply fleeing from war and violence. Thanks to the open-minded general culture here, people use it as a safe harbor where they try to live in peace and not be afraid to be themselves. Berlin is known as the queer capital of Europe and is competing for the world title for example.
If you have left-leaning views, especially of a more radical kind, it’s a perfect place for you too. Here you can enjoy the benefits of the Western civilization and the welfare state, all the while talking about smashing capitalism, expressing love to Marxism and all the goodies that come along with it. The right-leaning scene is not viewed favorably, especially by the media. But the media’s strategy of explaining the dangers of radical right views is utterly pathetic and outdated, which, along with downplaying the dangers of radical left and incompetent politicians on many levels in the last decades led to a seriously concerning rise of that one right-wing party. The party uses populistic slogans easy to understand and relate to for the general population and that’s how they gain popularity. And, as we know, countries like Putin’s ruzzia and PRC under Xi are only happy to add fuel to any existing fire, so don’t be surprised to see a growing divide here as well to the benefit of those who want to see the Western Civilization fail. Sadly, a lot of bad actors and useful idiots are within the country here too.
Whoops, this got political real fast! Hehe, but don’t worry, I’ll keep it to the absolute minimum, it’s my perspective after all and I find it important to mention if you want a more complete no-bs picture.
So Berlin being so “Bunt” (literally: colorful, meaning diverse) is not a new phenomenon. The city has always attracted the best philosophy minds and political activists from the entire spectrum, along with military elites, and state officials spiced up with creative people of all kinds. Remember, Berlin is a city of revolutions, and in times when we are in a phase of uncertainty and tectonic political changes on the global scale, if things start escalating my bet is you will see some street action in Berlin sooner or later. You don’t need an excuse to burn down a couple of cars on the street even in “peaceful” times after all. This happens even not related to any protest or street violence, kids do it “for fun” from time to time. Some might do it as revenge or, I can imagine, for insurance reasons too. No, it’s not as bad as the pictures you see from France every now and then. The protests in the last decade have been vastly peaceful, but the point I’m trying to make, the potential to explode is there and although I want to believe people here are generally calmer and will be able to figure out what’s going on, the reality is, when things go out of control, it’s hard to bring people to their senses.
According to Bard, over the last 40 years, there have been an average of 3.8 terror attacks per year overall in Germany versus 1.6 in Berlin alone. Most of those are done by right, left, and islamist extremists. The trend is somewhat declining, but what do these numbers mean? Well, essentially they mean you are more likely to get hit by a bus, but good to know this is the world we live in.
So is Berlin safe? Yes, it is. I mean, common sense applies, all right? Don’t go wasted in the middle of the night under some bridge into the darkness all dressed up in a leather suit, ok? Watch your pockets in crowded places, that kinda stuff.
And oh god, don’t get me started on bikes, especially if you plan on owning one in Berlin. Over the years I got only 2 stolen which is not bad at all by local accounts. Well, not counting one more bike that got stolen the day after I sold it (ha!). So, don’t leave your bike outside for long, and make sure to lock it every time. If you hope a local Sherlock Holmes is going to investigate the curious case of your stolen bike, sorry to break it to you, but it only happens in fairy tales. And the only kind of fairies you are gonna meet in Berlin are far different from the ones you read about in that Peter Pan book. Welcome to the real world.
The cycling infrastructure is great though. Not as smooth and seamless as in the Netherlands, some obnoxious ducks would notice. But to be fair, Germany is more than 8 times bigger than the Netherlands. And given its population density, its infrastructure is quite impressive and is getting better every year. Besides, the Netherlands are going underwater soon anyway, so the joke is on them. Let’s see what they say when they all turn into mermaids and come swimming to Germany to look at all the beautiful bike paths they won’t be able to ride on because they would be, well, mermaids.
There are various activist groups and bike lobbyists to keep on building the cycling network and make the existing one safer and more convenient. Most of the drivers are aware of you on the roads and unless you jump under a truck or, like yours truly, get doored, you will deeply enjoy cycling. Some, including myself, even do it in winter, just for the sake of annoying car drivers.
Seriously though, it’s safe here. That is of course, unless you decide to have some jagga-jagga and chill action or, god forbid, to settle down with a life-long partner. And why is that not safe you might ask? Oh, because the process of finding a partner might land you in a mental institution, that’s all.
Meet the dating apps. That’s right, we talked about making friends, now let’s talk about making… kids? Or whatever that is you’re looking for in a relationship, really. Now, the good thing is, you have all kinds of people on these apps. The bad thing is… You have all kinds of people on these apps 🤷♂️
But listen, you just gotta be honest with yourself first, understand what you really want at whatever stage of your life you are, and make it clear in your profile. And then, just roll the dice, put in the work, and… you might still end up alone and under a bridge. So why bother? Might as well go to one of those creepy places with dolls or robots. Gosh, can you imagine getting STDs, but not even from real intercourse? Sounds like fun.
But enough about me, let’s talk about food. Everybody likes to eat, right? Food quality is great here, every American expat will tell you that. I will add that you can find food for any budget, whether it’s organic, gluten-free, halal, kosher, vegan, hand-picked, fair-trade, salt-free, sugar-free, fat-reduced hand-made potato chips or some sausage made out of what remotely resembles meat, but hey at least it would be cheap. The point is, in the German social state you are unlikely to die of starvation. What you are way more likely to die from is the bureaucracy, but we’ll discuss this topic in more detail later. The tap water is also drinkable and while many cities unofficially compete for the status of the “cleanest water from the tap”, the reality is, while you can drink it once in a while, in cities like Berlin, doesn’t mean you should. It’s really hard water here, and everyone, especially ladies out there, will complain how harsh it is on your skin and my suspicion is it’s not a blessing for your kidneys either. So using a filter for that tap water is kind of a must, unless you are planning to mine those stones from your kidneys later down the line.
The food though is really great and in big cities, especially in Berlin, you get to try cuisines from all over the world. Now, of course, the “expats” from those countries will bitch about how “it’s not the same” and it’s not original… To which I have to say 3 things:
1. In any country the same recipe is cooked slightly differently in every family, it’s a fact, deal with it.
2. You can put in some effort and most likely you will find that “authentic” place representing the home food you crave at least with 85% accuracy. Not good enough? Go back to where you came from! Or better yet, open your own place and do it the way you see it.
3. And lastly, to me, as a person coming from a place where restaurants used to be of 2 basically kinds: sushi restaurants and just generic food “restaurants”, it was mind-blowing to discover everything from African fast food through Middle-Eastern couscous dishes all the way to those Argentinian little sweet things (what are they called) and even Mate tea (no, not the bubbly German kind). It’s fantastic really, in Berlin, you can go every week to a new kind of restaurant for a year and you will not get bored. With some effort, you can even find some traditional German food!
Forget about customer service though. It’s literally non-existent. I had to leave a restaurant on a couple of occasions simply because the waiter didn’t bother coming over. It could be they didn’t like me, or not everybody leaves tips or (more likely) because your waitress is an aspiring artist and has her own head full of all the art projects she’s working on and romance drama she’s going through. And here you are, showing up and expecting them to smile. Get a life. On the other hand, nobody is shoving a tablet into your face asking you to select between 20% and 200% tip.
So is it safe? For the most part, yes. You don’t see gutter oil reports you get from good old PRC nowadays for example. But don’t be surprised though to see toilets completely ruined as if ruzzians tried to “liberate them”. Or “chefs” not using gloves while making you a döner. Here’s a hot take: you are unlikely to survive here as a germaphobe. I kinda used to be one before moving to Berlin, but I had to adapt very quickly and relax a little, otherwise, I would’ve died of starvation or suffered greatly.
All this talk about food makes me feel a bit hot. Oh right, that’s because there is no air conditioning in Germany. Everyone coming from… anywhere, really, is bitching about it. The thing is, the summer here is temperate. There might be 4-5 weeks of really hot days tops, when you might really need to turn on the air conditioning. And for most of the cases, a simple fan works. I got to like this approach over the years because let’s talk about the unspoken downside of air conditioning: the window wars. People crank up the AC and seal off their windows, leaving you gasping for a breath of fresh air. Not to mention the sad reality of most AC filters which haven’t seen a cleaning since Bismarck was in power. So, it’s healthier for you, stfu. And here’s a little secret for you: Germany is a bit more on the cloudy side. When that rare golden orb makes an appearance, you’ll witness a phenomenon: people emerge from their dwellings like bears waking up from hibernation, flocking to any patch of grass, even if it’s a modest 5 degrees Celsius outside.
And guess what is another thing, almost every expat is bitching about. The weather. It’s really cloudy, cold and depressing in the German North. In the south they at least get some snow in the mountains, but in Berlin prepare to suffer. I used not to care about it, until lockdowns hit. It was really sad. Talking about Berlin, summer lasts here from June to September. Spring is optional and includes May, maybe partially April. The rest is winter. My favorite season is the beautiful fall actually, but it can get quite depressing too. At least summers are not extremely hot, which I like a lot. The best way to live here it seems is to come for the summer and when winter comes leave somewhere where it’s snowy or sunny.
Another reason for the air conditioning situation is that there are a lot of rules and regulations in Germany, some of them saying you’re not allowed to ruin a facade of an old beautiful building with that ugly piece of plastic crap air conditioning usually is. Don’t worry, the scary rules you hear like people wait for the green light are not that bad in practice. Of course it’s not a jaywalking mayhem I’ve experienced when I was in London, but common sense applies. I wrote a thread on… threads (is that still a thing?) on the topic. Coming back to air-conditioning free walls in the cities, that’s one of the things I greatly enjoy in Germany: architecture. It’s different from one federal land to another. I “grew up” basically surrounded by whatever’s left of the great Prussian architecture. Berlin reminds me a bit of City 17, where old blends with the new and even somewhat futuristic. Frankly I got to love this blend. Of course, some parts are uglier than others, but overall it’s always interesting to explore the city. You would notice though, that “quadratisch praktisch gut” applies here more often than in the aforementioned Netherlands, where they just seem to show off with almost every building they create. Rich bastards.
What else except old buildings and old farts you’ll see a lot of in Germany? Old cars. That’s right, old American, German, and other European cars of course, some from the GDR and even good ol’ USSR. They love their oldtimers as they call them and lucky car owners enjoy lower taxes on those.
Transportation
Talking about cars, slowly sliding in the transportation category I guess, you don’t need one in any major city. If you live centrally, that is. Especially in cities with countless car-sharing options. But even in smaller towns public transport is usually really good, clean and well thought through. Of course, a lot of people keep complaining how Deutsche Bahn, the company that operates the railways, is SHIT and how their train was 2 minutes late. But the reality is, given the extensive network, it’s impressive it works well most of the time. Of course I could mention that one time I had an itinerary with multiple connections and the very first of them failed, because the driver did not show up to work… Oh. I guess I just did.
Seriously though, public transit just works. Google Maps will tell you when the train is coming etc. The only thing missing from Google Maps is maybe only GPS tracking of specific trams and buses in real time. Even my mom says it’s hard to get lost here because there are signs, maps, and information screens everywhere. And airports, well, they are just regular airports with good connections because of a) Germany’s geographical location and b) there are a couple of huge international hubs like the Frankfurt airport with long-distance connections. My favorite airport (Berlin Tegel TXL) was unfortunately closed a few years ago. I liked it because it was like a bus stop: you go in, get on a plane and leave. Simple and efficient, and it was in the city. The modern airports usually suck because it takes 2 hours to get there, and after going through always understaffed security you always have to suffer going through what I call a gas chamber, you know that section in the airport they sell all the crap nobody really needs with all that cologne and I don’t know what else with the horrendous stench. If you’re buying any of that crap - you’re complicit in the crime against humanity!
Anyway, the further you go away from big cities the more you will feel the need for a car, in some villages it’s a must even. The one I stayed in you could get away with a bicycle for your daily shopping, GP, GYM, and so on. But the options are really limited especially if you want to get the beer brand you like etc. Driving in the countryside is quite enjoyable though, unlike in the city. Of course, it’s still very civilized in cities, compared to some wild countries out there. I personally observed a situation at a 4-way intersection, where cars approached from 3 sides and were so über-polite, they couldn’t decide who should go first. Still better like this than the absolute chaos you see in some countries. Roads are mostly safe and well-maintained too. It always amuses me to hear morons complaining about construction in cities. What do you want? You need maintenance to keep your infrastructure in check.
Besides, who pays for that sweet infrastructure? Your taxes. So you better enjoy seeing them go to something you can benefit from. Talking about benefits, let’s slide in the cost of living and affordability category.
Cost of Living and Affordability
It’s generally known that taxes are quite high in Germany, but you get what you pay for, right? The water is clean, the trains are on time, the Internet is fast. And the roads are clean and smooth. Right? Weeeel, kinda. It’s definitely a pleasant stroll on most of the streets, everything genuinely looks nice and beautiful in a lot of places. But if you look a bit under the surface you’ll find a lot of points for frustration. But let’s not jump ahead of ourselves, we’ll talk about bureaucracy, corruption, and “German efficiency” a bit down the line, now let’s see how the tax system works.
First off, it is worth mentioning that if you have a so-called mini-job, where you get a max of 520 EUR/month you pay no taxes on it, but health insurance is not covered. If you register with an unemployment office, they will cover it for you, but that’s a separate big topic in itself.
So let’s say you earn 60k a year gross, which is not bad by German standards. 60k is an okay pay for a few years’ worth of experience in tech. A taxi driver for comparison gets around 28k gross: it’s very approximate, depends on a region etc., and does not include tip money. The same goes for drinks/food delivery drivers by the way. A cop with at least a Bachelor’s degree would earn something around 50k. A doctor, a real one like a surgeon can get around 80-90k.
Here you can calculate into how much this gross amount will turn after all taxes and contributions.
So, coming back to our 60k. 60k is what you negotiate about. To your employer, you will actually cost about 20% more, so with a gross salary of 60k you cost your employer slightly more than 70k. After all the taxes and mandatory contributions you’ll have around 37k left. This is the net yearly amount you’ll get, so around 3100 EUR/month. Don’t forget that VAT you pay for most of the stuff you buy, wink wink. But don’t worry about it, everyone is in the same system, it’s just how it works and you get all the benefits of the social state. For example in this setup, health insurance is already covered, although with minimal dental coverage and for the medicine you have to pay yourself. Unless it’s absolutely necessary, that is. You know, the stuff you absolutely need or you’ll die. So when you do die they say they tried to help. You can extend healthcare coverage with a private health insurance instead of compulsory one, but it’s a huge topic on its own and I wanted to give more of an overview here than an in-depth break-down. But to sum it up: it’s great to have most of the people insured and not having to sell your liver to get your leg patched up.
Good luck getting a specialist appointment with a compulsory insurance though. A psychological therapist or a dermatologist might have waiting times of 6 months easily. With private insurance you will get to see a professional much faster and more times than not they will also be actually, well, professional.
A couple of examples for you. With my compulsory insurance, when I got a meniscus problem in my knee, a minor problem, but still needed operation, they just told me to come to the hospital myself while walking for me was really painful. Which I somehow managed to do, just to wait in line for good 5 hours before getting an X-ray, and to see a doc for literally 2 minutes who said “Ah, go home, it’s gonna be fine, drink some tea. And if it’s still not fine in a couple of days, come back again.” Needless to say, all the walking didn’t help my knee in the slightest. In fact it’s gotten much worse.
But you can consider me lucky. Because someone I know told me a better story about his adventures in German hospitals. When he came to a hospital suffering from pain in his guts, they just gave the standard “German doctor advice”: go home and drink some tea. Which he promptly did, just to call an ambulance a few hours later to save him at the last minute from a bursting appendix. And mind you, he’s a German for what it’s worth.
Or how about my mom, who was in shock and disbelief after having gone from a GP to an eye doctor, to a skin doctor to a hospital and still haven’t gotten any help. They didn’t even prescribe tea! In the end she had to go back to the GP and beg for at least some kind of prescription. Which finally worked for quite significant rash and swelling all around the eyes she had. In general, a little advice here: always exaggerate with any doctors or they won’t give a flying duck. And get to know people and maintain good relationships with them. A nice gesture in the form of a fruit bowl goes a long way. In Ukraine I considered this corruption and never understood it, but having experienced how things work here I don’t know what to think about this anymore. I mean you do want to thank people if they genuinely helped you, right?
Got a bit carried away here, but don’t you worry, taxes don’t end with the income tax! You still owe a little. Like the property tax, tax on your car, and your dog (yes you are getting taxed for owning a dog), and the hated public broadcast tax, which technically is not a tax, but in practice it kinda is. The capital gain tax, the dividend income tax, the interest income tax, rental income tax. If you file a tax declaration, you might get some of it back though. Or sometimes pay more (suffer, dude). Or what about sex tax? No, seriously it’s a thing. Because the oldest profession is legal in Germany, of course you need to pay tax on it too!
But let’s go back a little, because yeah, you heard it right, you pay taxes on dogs, which I think settles the debate on the topic of who is better: cats or dogs. But your expenses only start after taxes, as evidenced by the fact that even getting an animal from a local shelter will cost you a symbolic, but still a fee. It’s not like in Ukraine where when your cat dies, you just go on the street and pick yourself another one. No, in fact, there are no stray cats or dogs here at all for that matter. You are more likely to see a fox or a rabbit in a city than a cat. And since you are already paying a tax on your dog, you might consider buying health insurance for your furry buddy. No, it’s not mandatory, but it might be worth it, especially if it gets in trouble a lot. If it gets in trouble in terms of destroying somebody’s property, consider dog liability insurance on top of that.
Oops, looks like we stepped into the land of insurances. Or Germany as I like to call it. Except for the aforementioned ones, you can also consider lawyer insurance (Rechtsschutzversicherung), home stuff insurance (Hausratversicherung), car insurance, accident Insurance, disability Insurance, care insurance (Pflegeversicherung), credit insurance, funeral insurance (Bestattungsvorsorge), education insurance (Studienfachversicherung) and this is not even the exhaustive list. The only one except for the mandatory health insurance you will need is liability insurance. It’s not mandatory but a lot, and I mean 94% of the population according to the German Insurance Association (GDV) have it. And if you don’t they will look at you like you have IQ lower than… them. Talking from experience here :)
So you paid all your taxes and insured the hell out of your butt. All that stuff got you hungry and it’s understandable. A square meal would set you back around 10 EUR. Some fast food like a döner would be around 6 EUR. A meal at a somewhat nice restaurant with a possible drink will add up to 20 EUR per person (and beyond, of course). Cooking yourself always saves you money, and you know what you put inside (kind of). You can survive on a couple hundred euros a month doing that. For something like 500, you’d be eating pretty decently and healthy: organic and all that.
After you have eaten, you wanna go home and take a nap. Oh, wait, you need to find a place to rent first. Good luck with that. Seriously, it took me almost a year to find my last apartment in Berlin and it still was far from perfect. As mentioned before, you better know people and it’s still gonna cost you a lot of effort. As for money, don’t expect to spend less than 1200 EUR a month on an apartment, unless it’s a 25 sqm shithole that looks like a KGB/Stasi dungeon with no windows and no working heating. That price would be what Germans call “warm”, no it doesn’t mean the apartment is gonna be warm, as opposed to “kalt” - cold. It simply means the money on top of the rent that goes directly to your landlord, includes also additional unavoidable costs like tax Grundsteuer, insurances, servicing the elevator, lighting and cleaning services in the common areas of the building and garden, base cost for the cold water, sewage, trash management and ironically, most of the time heating. Yes, meaning “warm” rent might not include heating.
Because it might be really expensive, a lot of, not necessarily younger, people live in WGs (Wohngemeinschaft), a local term for shared apartments. When I moved to Berlin I was lucky to find one in just 3 days and it cost me 400 EUR a month all included. Looking back, I got really lucky. Nowadays, don’t expect to find anything under 600 EUR and prepare to look for months. It’s not as bad as what you hear from NYC or those tiny Japanese apartments, but it’s not a comfy situation either. Quick note: don’t look for apartments on Craigslist, nobody’s using it here, except scammers. Your go-to places are immobilientscout24, wg-gesucht, facebook groups, maybe kleinanzeigen. Less popular towns might have a better situation, but Berlin currently sucks in this matter. Especially if you’re young and single, you’d be competing not just with high earners, but also with couples and people with more German names than yours. So good luck, dude. Also anecdotal, but still, one duck didn’t want to rent out an apartment to me once because my income was too high for his taste and he thought I should’ve rented his other more expensive apartment. He knows my personal situation better than myself of course, that gives him the right to decide how much money I should spend on an apartment, what can I say.
If you’ve decided you want to settle down and buy your own place instead, it’s a huge topic too of course, but maybe you’ll find something starting from 200k, unless again it’s somewhere so remote not even Starlink is gonna help you connect to the rest of the world. Or there is something else absolutely wrong with it. The prices have risen significantly, and I mean like doubled in some cases, in the last 10-15 years, so I’m not sure if it’s worth it at this point anymore. If you buy it for life, then it probably is, of course.
Like I mentioned, in the city you don’t need a car and I didn’t have an experience buying a car personally, but if you do want to get out to countless lakes or to the sea for a weekend there are tons of car-sharing options. I recommend registering with a couple of the biggest ones to have options to choose from. If you need a car for longer than a few hours or minutes, booking ahead from a regular big and famous car rental company is always a safe and cheaper bet. What I really liked though is the option to rent a car from a private person, you can get a Tesla for 90 EUR/day for example or something exotic sometimes which is pretty sweet.
But what I liked even better was trying out van life without owning a van. If you book ahead and are not too picky you can get yourself a van for under 100 EUR/night and go traveling around Germany and even Europe. I did it myself a couple of times, and those were some of the best days and moments of my life, really. Might make a report on it one day, too bad I didn’t film much I mostly have photos and memories left. Click on this affiliate link to get 30 EUR added to your balance and van away without the burden of actually owning a van. Also a good option by the way to try it out and understand better what you would like from your own build. If building your own van is something you’re planning on doing.
If sleeping in a van is too wild of an idea for you, a hotel price of 100 EUR/night in tourist hotspots is quite normal, sometimes it’s the minimum really. So if you’re looking for a more affordable stay, you might wanna check out rooms on Airbnb, hostels, rooms on wg-gesucht, and local Facebook groups or pet setting websites and couchsurfing.
Now, having the living space sorted, so you don’t have to sleep on a bench, after paying all the taxes and insurances, it’s time to get rid of your larvae, so you can actually enjoy life a little. Luckily for you, kitas (daycare), kindergartens, school, and higher education are essentially free (at least compared to the US system). You still need to pay for food, extracurricular activities and such but it’s still great to know you won’t be skinned for just trying to educate yourself or attempting to get your little brat a better life. Students also get some discounts like reduced public transportation tickets, museum allowance, etc. Don’t you worry, you won’t get an easy pass, you will still have to fight bureaucracy and deal with the human factor just the same. Scarcity of good places under the sun takes its toll, so don’t think it’s a paradise.
Bureaucracy
Before we wrap this up, a dishonorable mention of German bureaucracy, my favorite topic of them all. I can bitch about it forever and funnily enough, until relatively recently, I didn’t think it was a problem at all. That is until I had almost lost my sanity in the recent years and let me tell you why.
Let’s start with the good things: generally the system works. There are laws and rules, which are relatively easy to find on the internet along with an algorithm for your actions in case you need something from the government. You don’t need to bribe anyone to get your basic services and it’s just amazing. Many people take it for granted, but it’s kind of magical how people cooperate to keep the 80 million people economy running, it takes a huge amount of time and effort to keep the system running and up to date. From a user perspective, in most cases you book an appointment online (if you can find it, hello Bürgeramt appointment memes), you get to the office, maybe you’ll have to wait a little, sometimes a little more. But the point is you’ll get what you need, provided you have collected all the documents. The credit score system referred to as SCHUFA is there to ensure you are not dealing with frauds if you want to rent out an apartment for example. Sounds great. Why do I need to pay for it if any new landlord requires it when you’re looking for an apartment? I don’t know.
So like I said, the system works, but the problem, as probably with any bureaucracy is: there is little incentive to improve things. In most cases people are, I don’t want to say lazy, but they are… chill. They come to their secure job, do what’s required from them and chill out back home. They don’t overwork (good for them), but any inefficiencies and bottlenecks are hard to fix because somebody needs to know they exist, then report it up, make the organizational changes and sometimes change the law and bring it all back down. From what I can see from the outside, there is either a complete lack of a system in place that works on streamlining processes or it’s not working well. Or, possibly, people in the system are not even motivated to improve their situation too much. Because who knows, maybe some jobs won’t be needed anymore and nobody wants to lose their job.
Another example: Germans love to talk about protecting the environment and recycling (stressing on the talk here), but when rubber hits the road they send tons of mail around. Yes, the snail mail as they call it. Ooooh, they just love it. I had a nice conversation with a bank once, where I would send them an email and they would reply to it a few days later via mail. What? Why? And not just once, we corresponded like this for a while. At least they responded at all. Wasting humongous amounts of paper in the process! I was even asked once with a genuine curiosity how come I don’t have a printer at home (like how do I even survive lol).
But what was driving me almost literally insane for years was when I applied for citizenship I would not get a response from several months to half a year, sometimes longer. And when I did get a response, they wouldn’t let me know what they actually expected from me, besides the official requirements I already knew, until a year later and countless follow-ups.
Digitalization has been a buzzword for at least a decade in Germany and oh my god, how slowly it’s moving. At least you can send emails to most government offices nowadays instead of mailing them in. They will still require you to send some papers in or reply via mail, but hey the progress is there and hey, could be worse: pigeon or owl post maybe? Or more realistically: fax. Yes, it’s still in use in some places. Thank god, at least telegraph has been phased out.
My next pet peeve is probably cash. Small business owners love cash because authorities can’t track all of it, hence no need to pay tax on all of your turnover. Some justify it with privacy, but come on, do you really need to pay with coins in a supermarket? Germans looove their coins, they even build special slots for those coins in their cars. You will need those round relics of the Roman Empire almost everywhere: from unlocking a shopping cart at a supermarket and paying for parking to buying tickets in trams and that fluffy thing at a local flea market. Thank god, a year or two ago they finally started installing somewhat modern pay and display machines in Berlin where you can pay with a contactless card. Yes, it’s 2020s we’re talking about. The internet is slow in a lot of places because on the one hand, you want the streets to look clean and nice, so all the infrastructure is hidden under the pavement. On the other hand, it means more bureaucracy as you need to get a bunch of permissions to dig up the old cables to replace them with the new ones to get your Internet speed above 15 Mb/s. And that’s in Berlin. It’s progressed a lot in 10 years, but still, I was shocked coming to one of supposedly the most developed countries in the world to find the state of things like this. In 3rd world countries they don’t care, they will throw the cable over the building walls, and bam, you get your 1000Mb/s in no time. Looks ugly though, so… Pick your battles.
Corruption as I said is not so apparent, but make no mistake: it’s there. To get an apartment in places like Berlin, people are getting desperate, for some, it makes sense to pay 1-2k EUR (maybe more?) just to get that apartment in a sweet spot, instead of waiting for years. For buying properties I can imagine the numbers are much higher. This is a rare example though, most of the corruption happens in the upper echelons. Berlin BER airport is a huge example, where contracting companies were milking the budget money for years with little to no repercussions. Another huge scandal is CumEx, you can look it up yourself and it’s just the tip of the iceberg. We’re talking billions of euros a year, every year. It happens all the time on a smaller scale, with smaller federal and local projects, it’s just that nobody gives a damn. Don’t even get me started on the Nord Streams and bringing the country into dependency on russian gas and markets, or spreading russian disinformation and twisted reality via the same public broadcast channels citizens are obliged to pay this “TV tax” for.
Another more tangible example of “German efficiency”, when you enjoy seeing where your tax money goes, is when you see a guy trying to make graffiti, or rather leave one of those ugly tags nobody needs, and how many police cars do you think arrived at the scene to detain the unarmed guy? 3? 4? Pfft, what about 7? That’s right. That’s seven police vehicles with a couple of officers each. Why? I don’t know, this is how it works. But when your bike gets stolen from your cellar with breaking and entering, which is a criminal offense by the way, they don’t even show up at your place to ask the witnesses, sending a letter in a couple of months that the case is closed.
Whew, enough of that negativity, or what I call my reality. Otherwise I’ll need to get myself a Döner to recover from even thinking about all that.
So has my impression changed over the 10 years of living in Germany? It has most definitely evolved along with me. Berlin did change, a lot. Entire neighborhoods rose and not somewhere on the outskirts but in the city center. A lot of places got heavily gentrified, empty post-war and post-Berlin Wall spaces between buildings keep disappearing, 2 airports got closed, greatly improving air quality in Tegel and Wedding areas by the way, the new airport finally opened. The city has gone through 2 huge waves of refugees (Syria and Ukraine) and the city population has crossed the pre-war mark for the first time and it keeps on growing. I swear I read about it a few years ago but can’t seem to find the link anymore. Either way if the population hasn’t crossed the pre-WW2 mark yet, it’s about to happen real soon. Political climate has gone from relatively quiet times to more turbulent and divisive, but so is the whole world and we are probably just in the beginning in the big picture of things.
When I arrived, the craziest post-Berlin wall days were just about gone, but I still enjoyed exploring the old abandoned buildings, old GDR and West-Berlin vibes, and even experiencing some of the craziest parties in my life. I met a lot of smart and interesting people with some of whom I’m still in touch to this day and I’m grateful for all the experiences, good and bad, that let me evolve and understand myself better. History is still very much in your face at every corner in Berlin. I still can’t believe I used to live just a few blocks away from the place where one of my all time favorite movies, Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari was shot. But don’t worry, there are enough streets and buildings with rich history for everyone to discover. The people living here have interesting lives and stories to tell, so if you are a curious person, you will never get bored here. It definitely did get more expensive and over time the city almost lost that “poor but sexy” vibe, so if you’re looking for that, Leipzig or other smaller places might be a better alternative. Of course, I just scratched the surface here and there is so much more to unpack and so many stories to tell, so if you’re down to hearing some of them with my no-bullshit touch, feel free to check out my YouTube channel for similar content in video format.
I feel like I grew up in Berlin, spent my twenties really. And despite all the things I half-jokingly hate about the place it’s the only place where I really feel at home and it will always have a special place in my heart. But I’m not saying sayonara just yet, I hope it’s more of auf Wiedersehen, meaning “until we meet again”.
